Embodied Love – Shame as a doorway into love

The river of existence is living through this women’s body and slowly slowly I am finding words to express the humanness of love, embodied love.

How unexpected you are, again and again you blow away all my concepts of what I think it should look like. You take me into the innocence experience of where you are most alive and speaking through my body.

Om Shanti Om Shanti the heat of your love is intense.

I am in love with the way you show me truth.  How could I ever imagine this excruciating shame that I know so well is my doorway to her love. The stories of not belonging and belonging. The longing in my heart. The trembling fear that rushing through my veins. The grief that breaks my heart so it can expand. This is where the heart of your love speaks and your passion arises from. It is this heat itself that is the alchemy into my love, I will speak for you, I promise you that.

I am surrendered now to my humanness.  I am in love with this imperfection and in awe of the mysteries moving my heart.

Did you know that shame has it’s beauty –  it really does. Underneath is the naked humility of love.  A tender rawness that can meet life with nothing to hide or defend against.  So much of our lives have been infused by shame, crippling our voice.  What if we meet this shame, this fundamental belief that we are wrong bad, noticing the form it takes in the shallow breath, knots in our bodies. Together we touch these places with our warmth.  We pause a moment and give space to shame and embrace it with tender love.  I know the taste of utter isolation, worthlessness, the feeling of badness through to the core.   Let’s stay for a while at the razor edge not run or hide.   The frozen, numbness begins to melt, the contracted smallness softens and we discover that actually beneath this is raw exposed tender aching vulnerability so naked and innocent.  I have realised how much of my power has been held back from fear of judgements, the subtle messages of bad.  The shame that faithfully keeps me silent and small.

I will no longer step away from the heat of shame – this I commit too. This heat in my body, the trembling in my heart, the exposure and raw devotion is your tender love. It is here right now in both the beauty and pain and when felt fully there is no separation between us.

How can it be that this power is so soft and yielding and yet so strong? I am beginning to rest in the vulnerability of standing tall.

I am in love with my fear, what a gift you are. Shaking me to the core, calling me to open more.

I am in love with my doubt a faithful friend of fear, “I can’t” the mantra I hear.

In these moment where the doubt arises that speaks of staying small, I will tremble once more into the soft vulnerability of being tall.

My addictions the grasping wanting the needing, emptiness, longing, you too are my teachers of compassion. I no longer need to rid myself of you to know love.

My arrogance, My unworthiness, My stories, My beliefs.. you too are welcome here, I am done with fighting you.. rest my love in this tender river of devotion and be touched by existence, a beauty beyond these stories of who you take yourself to be.

I am shivering with heat.. It has me in tears, wet and hot, soft and passionate.

I feel my bigness again and a wave of fear arises.. followed by the tenderness of vulnerability and I am in the river again.

Do you know that the one hidden in the dark who emerges as the alchemy of your deepest power. 

Tears falling into the river of love I will meet you there in this tender flow. 

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natalie brooks